


Nobody Needs to Know

by TheAutotheist



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 16:54:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2589116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAutotheist/pseuds/TheAutotheist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night before Bucky was supposed to ship out, Steve finally got what he wanted, that IA stamp on his enlistment form. But he couldn't stop thinking about Bucky, about how they'd said goodbye. So it was just his luck that Bucky came home half-drunk for a proper farewell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nobody Needs to Know

Steve stared at the enlistment form with “IA” stamped on it in red letters. He finally got what he wanted. He was supposed to report to Camp Lehigh the day after next for basic training. He would have a chance to get over to where the real action was, even if it was just a chance. But he would prove he could be just as good a soldier as anyone. He would get to help his country, like he wanted.

But he was troubled.

It wasn’t that he suddenly didn’t want to go, he did, very much so. He wanted to do some good. He wanted to go over there, just like Bucky was. And that was the problem. His last conversation with Bucky sat uncomfortably in his gut. It wasn’t that they had parted on bad terms, but he didn’t exactly want his last night with Bucky to go like that, arguing about his multiple enlistment attempts again.

If he admitted it to himself, he was actually jealous of the girl hanging off Bucky’s arm. And the fact that he probably went home with her. She was some random dame he had picked up the other day, and she got to be the person Bucky spent his last night with. Steve was his best friend and they’d known each other all their lives. But he knew how Bucky was.

He sighed and carefully folded up the form again, before slipping it into his pocket. He didn’t even feel like drawing, for once, and that usually helped him take his mind off whatever was bothering him. He gazed out the window at the dark sky and let his mind wander.

But his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of movement outside the apartment, and then he heard the key turn in the lock and Bucky walked in, clearly half drunk. Steve got up and walked over in surprise.

“Hey, Stevie,” Bucky slurred as he dropped onto the couch. He flipped his cap off his head and tossed it at the side table that stood by the door. It bounced off and landed on the floor, but he made no move to retrieve it.

Normally Steve would chastise him when he came home drunk, but this time he was too surprised and too relieved to bother. Instead he sat down next to Bucky and asked, “What are you doing home so early? I figured you’d be out all night with… um…” He’d already forgotten the name of the girl Bucky had been out with. Was it Bonnie? No, Bonnie was who he’d tried to hook Steve up with.

“Nah,” Bucky said. “I’d much rather be here with you on my last night that with Connie.”

Connie, that was her name. And then he realized what Bucky said, and flushed slightly, for no real good reason. “But you still went and got drunk.”

“Just a little bit,” Bucky admitted with a smile. His whole face lit up when he smiled. It was the most wonderful thing to see. Steve realized he was taking the sight in, cataloging it away because he knew he probably wouldn’t see Bucky for a long time. He never wanted to forget the way Bucky’s face looked when he smiled, when he smiled at Steve.

“You got drunk even though you were going to come back here?” Steve asked in amusement.

“Needed the liquid courage,” he mumbled, looking at Steve. “There’s one thing I wanted to do before shipping out tomorrow.”

“What’s that, Buck?”

“This.” He reached out and wrapped his hand around the back of Steve’s neck so he could pull him close and press their lips together. Steve’s brain shorted out. Bucky was kissing him. _Bucky_ was kissing him. Bucky was _kissing_ him. Before he even had chance to get over his shock or react, Bucky pulled back. He kept his hand on the back of Steve’s neck for a moment and then let it drop back into his lap. He gave Steve a sad smile. His expression lead Steve to believe he wasn’t actually quite as drunk as he was perhaps pretending to be. “Had to do that once,” he said.

Steve licked his lips, and then took a chance. Before he could reconsider, he said, “Only once?” Bucky’s eyes widened briefly in surprise, like he hadn’t expected that to be Steve’s response at all. “Cause I could stand to do that again…” Steve had meant to sound teasing, or cocky, but his voice came out sounding too quiet, just a whisper of what he really wanted.

“Oh yeah?” Bucky asked. His voice was equally quiet. “Maybe that’s not a bad idea, then…” Steve watched as Bucky seemed to reach out in slow motion to wrap his hand around the back of Steve’s head and draw him close purposefully. He slotted their mouths together once more, and this time it was no quick kiss in farwell. This time it was all fast and all Bucky and all Steve had ever wanted from this.

He had to hold onto the lapels of Bucky’s uniform jacket otherwise he felt like he would surely drown. Bucky’s fingertips moved gently along the back of Steve’s scalp, brushing through light locks of hair, while holding him close. When Steve felt Bucky’s tongue, he happily opened his mouth and welcomed the intrusion. Steve’s eyes flew open briefly before fluttering closed in ecstasy when Bucky did—Steve didn’t even know what words to use to describe what he did with his tongue, other than brilliant, fantastic, amazing, and oh god, yes, please, more.

Steve finally pulled back, panting heavily and feeling like he had just run up all the stairs to their apartment. He never knew kissing could make you feel like that. He kept holding Bucky’s jacket, and Bucky kept his hand in Steve’s hair, keeping their faces close.

“Why has it taken us so long to do that?” he breathed out once he was able to process words again.

Bucky looked at him and then hesitated before saying, “Because.”

He didn’t need to elaborate. Because they were both guys, and this was dangerous for them to be doing. Because if anyone found out about this, they would get kicked out of the army before even starting. Because if they did this anywhere but here they could get threatened or killed. Because no matter how much it seemed like their lives had been leading up to this, or how much they belonged together, to the outside world it would always be wrong.

Steve sighed, his fingers loosening slightly in Bucky’s jacket. “Yeah…” he whispered.

Bucky carded his fingers through Steve’s hair and then brought his other hand up so he could pull his face close enough to rest their foreheads together. He held onto the back of Steve’s head with both hands and closed his eyes. “But it doesn’t matter. Cause there’s now,” he said. “Before I leave… We got now.”

Steve was the one this time to pull Bucky back into another kiss. It wasn’t as hot and heavy as the last one, but neither was it as chaste as the first one. They took their time with this third kiss, relishing in the now, as Bucky had said. He sunk his teeth into Steve’s bottom lip, which elicited a moan from deep in his throat. Steve could feel Bucky’s lips turn up in a smirk, and he couldn't help the desire to suddenly kiss that smirk right off Bucky’s face, which he was very successful at.

When his hands holding Bucky’s jacket weren’t enough, he wrapped his arms around Bucky’s neck and pulled their bodies closer. At the same time, Bucky moved his hands from the back of Steve’s head to his waist and practically dragged Steve into his lap, though Steve also half scrambled to get there himself. He ended up on his knees, with his legs on either side of Bucky’s hips. And Bucky had turned completely sideways on the couch, with one leg curled underneath him, and the other dangling off the edge. He held onto Steve partially to keep him as close as possible, and partially as leverage to hold himself upright, as Steve was doing his best to knock him over with how hard he was pressing into him.

Steve re-adjusted the angle of the kiss so he could breathe in through his nose without breaking contact. One hand slid up through Bucky’s hair while the other wrapped more firmly around his back. And he didn’t even know when he had started making eager, anxious noises between kisses. Bucky’s hands held too tightly to Steve’s waist. Any longer, and they would surely leave a bruise.

Bucky finally lost the battle to keep upright. He fell back onto the couch and Steve fell on top of him. He looked down at Bucky in surprise, lifting himself half off his chest. Bucky gazed up at him with red, swollen lips, and eyes so dark they were practically black. The view sent an electric current of _want_ through Steve. “Bucky…” He was surprised to hear how husky his own voice was. “I want…” he started to say, but he didn’t know how to quite put it into words. He felt his whole face flush red, and the corner of Bucky’s lips quirked up in a smile. So he settled for simple. “I want you. I want you so badly right now.”

He didn’t know it was possible for Bucky’s eyes to turn darker, but they did. Without saying anything, he sat up again with Steve in his lap. He rose to his feet in one motion and Steve wrapped his legs around his waist in surprise, which was apparently his plan. Because he carried Steve the few steps to their shared bedroom and dropped him down onto Bucky’s bed like it was nothing.

Steve propped himself up on his elbows and looked up at Bucky from where he was lying on his back, trying to contain the coursing desire and lust running through him. Bucky peeled the uniform jacket off and dropped it onto a chair. Steve was actually surprised Bucky had made it through the whole night with the complete ensemble. He licked his lips and watched Bucky loosen his tie, and then yank it off before dropping it over the jacket.

And then he smirked down at Steve, and Steve could feel his face flush again from that look. Bucky’s smirk grew wider and he crawled across the bed and propped his hands on either side of Steve’s head. Steve dropped back on the bed so he could lift his arms and tug Bucky down into another kiss.

Bucky let Steve take the lead, and he let Steve pull him down as close as possible. Steve slid his hands down Bucky’s neck and found the buttons on his uniform shirt. His dexterous fingers made quick work of the top few buttons, and then Bucky was helping him with the rest. He pushed the shirt off Bucky’s shoulders and then slid his hands down his bare arms. Bucky tossed the shirt over the side of the bed, and Steve could only manage a twinge of concern that it would be wrinkled when he shipped out tomorrow, but then Bucky latched his mouth onto Steve’s neck and sucked it red.

Steve’s mouth fell open in a low sigh of pleasure and he tangled his fingers in Bucky’s hair, holding his head close as he tilted his head back to give Bucky as much room as possible. He felt Bucky’s hands on his chest, undoing the buttons of his own shirt. Where Steve had been impatient, Bucky took his time, working each button out of its hole, and slowly undoing Steve’s shirt, until he had the whole thing open and could run his hand down Steve’s bare chest. He licked up the side of Steve’s neck and bit his earlobe.

Steve groaned cause everywhere Bucky was touching his skin felt like fire, like electricity, and it sent shocks straight down his spine. Bucky backed off slightly so Steve could struggle out of his shirt, and he was already breathing heavily. Bucky smirked and pushed him back down onto the bed with one hand on his chest. Instead of leaning down to resume what he had been doing before, he scooted back slightly and placed open-mouthed kisses along Steve’s stomach, holding him down with that hand on Steve’s chest.

Bucky’s mouth moved over each prominent rib bone showing through Steve’s skin, leaving a warm trail of saliva, and Steve could barely keep himself from arching up, but he did throw his head back, exposing his throat. He realized Bucky’s hair was the perfect length to tangle his fingers in without really pulling too hard. By this point, he had completely messed up Bucky’s hair from how it had been perfectly done earlier in the night.

Bucky’s tongue traced the edges of Steve’s collarbone, and his hands moved to hold his hips, fingering at the belt loops on his trousers, only indicating that he was probably thinking of tugging them down. And then his mouth was on Steve’s again, and Steve kissed him like his life depended on it, like he swore he would fall apart if he wasn’t spending all his time kissing Bucky.

Steve yanked Bucky’s undershirt out of his perfectly creased uniform pants, and pulled it over his head. He ran his fingertips along Bucky’s skin, and could feel the impression of what could be well-toned muscle if only Bucky had enough to eat. But he wasn’t at all skinny like Steve. He could feel Bucky shudder under his touch, from the way Steve’s fingers barely ghosted down his chest. And Steve kissed him and kissed him and kissed him.

Without realizing how it had happened, Steve’s hands were suddenly on Bucky’s waist, and he was trying to get his pants off. Bucky eagerly helped, but had to stop because he’d forgotten to remove his shoes first. When they finally managed to get the clothing off, Bucky was left in only his shorts, and his growing erection was obvious. Thinking about how that was for him, that Bucky wanted him just as much as he wanted Bucky, it made him painfully hard too.

He sat up so he could try to get his own trousers off, and Bucky tugged on the pant-legs to yank them down. He didn’t leave Steve in only his shorts, however, but got all the rest of his clothes off and made sure he was naked. Steve knew his face was red, and he could feel the flush creep down his neck and his chest. But he couldn’t help but feel this was right, that he and Bucky were always meant to be together.

They crashed back together because any longer and the ache of not touching would be painful. Steve kissed Bucky hard and wrapped his arm around his back again, pulling himself into Bucky’s lap. It was even better this way, naked skin on skin. He kissed along Bucky’s face, over his lips, across his nose, down the line of his jaw. And he could feel Bucky’s hands pressing into his back, tracing the edges of his shoulder blades.

Steve ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair over and over and brought his face close to kiss him again, trying to mimic that thing Bucky had done with his tongue earlier. He wasn’t as good at it, but Bucky moaned into his mouth anyway. He wrapped his fingers around Steve’s dick, which was hard and standing up straight by this point, and gently stroked up and down.

Steve had to pull back from the kiss so he could breathe. He rested his hands on Bucky’s shoulders and let his eyes flutter closed. It wasn’t like he’d never touched himself before. And maybe once or twice, it was Bucky’s beautiful eyes he had imagined right before he came. But this was so different, having Bucky touch him. His pace was slow, lazy, but it still made Steve gasp. He stuttered out, “Bu-Bucky….” and rested his head against Bucky’s neck because the effort of holding it up was too much when it seemed like all the blood in his body was going south.

Bucky turned his head to kiss Steve’s ear, but he never interrupted his pace. And Steve could feel how hard Bucky was against his leg. He shuddered out a warm breath against Bucky’s neck, and he felt Bucky respond with a shudder of his own. His skin was hot.

Steve lifted his head so he could kiss Bucky again, and this time it was too sloppy and wet because he was still trying to _breathe_ around the way Bucky was stroking him, and he thought he might never be able to breathe properly again, but it would be totally worth it. His hands drifted down and he found the edge of Bucky’s shorts, and they had to rearrange themselves so he could finally finally get Bucky naked.

Bucky had to stop his ministrations while they did that. When he moved to start again, Steve stopped him. “No, I want…” He bit his lip and hesitated over the words. Bucky watched his face, and his eyes occasionally flicked down to Steve’s mouth, watching the way he chewed his lower lip. “I want you… um…” When he thought he wouldn’t be able to get it out, Bucky surged forward and kissed him again.

It turned out that Bucky had a thing of vaseline in his bedside table. He scooped out a dollop onto his index finger and his eyes met Steve’s. “You sure?” Steve nodded jerkily and wrapped his hand around the back of Bucky’s neck.

Bucky started with one finger. It was a slightly uncomfortable, but not altogether unpleasant feeling. He waited for Steve’s go ahead before adding a second finger. Steve continued to clutch Bucky’s shoulder and tried not to rock against Bucky’s fingers when it went from slightly uncomfortable to pleasurable. And when Bucky added a third finger, he felt so stretched, and he knew his nails were digging into Bucky’s skin, but he didn’t complain.

“Bucky…” Steve whined when the fingers weren’t enough. “ _Please_ …”

And then his fingers were gone and replaced with his cock. And it was so different and so much better, and so much more full. Steve bit his lip hard as he slowly sank down onto Bucky, but he eventually had to let that go because he had to breathe. Bucky kissed his throat gently, letting him take his time, but Steve could feel his body was tense from holding himself back.

When he had Bucky fully inside him, he finally let his eyes find Bucky’s again, and saw his pupils were completely blown black with lust. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t breathe right, because he had to kiss him again. So he did as he started to move, and Bucky groaned through the kiss, his fingers tight on Steve’s hips, guiding him.

Steve’s pace was awkward and inconsistent, so Bucky eventually tipped him back to the bed so he could take the lead. Steve wrapped his ankles around Bucky’s waist, trying to pull him in deeper. As he pulled back, he brushes something deep in Steve that make him cry out in surprise and then immediately clap a hand over his mouth, afraid the sound had carried through the paper-thin walls. If the neighbors heard them…

But that thought was chased away by the way Bucky was looking down at him, like he was the most beautiful thing Bucky had ever seen. But he still had his trademark smirk on his face. He moved again and brushed that whatever-it-was and Steve arched his head back deep into the mattress and moaned, still with his hand over his mouth to muffle the sound.

“You’re so fucking amazing…” Bucky practically growled, but his voice was low. He ground into Steve and it felt so good so good and Steve thought he would never have another coherent thought after this. Bucky was going to completely wreck him and it would be okay because he would be with Bucky.

“Bucky…” he moaned again, chest heaving as he could feel the pressure building low in his belly. Bucky’s pace sped up and he knew that he had to be close too.

When Steve came, his vision whited out briefly, and he tried to be quiet as he groaned through his release. He felt Bucky’s fingers press hard to bruising into his hips as he came a minute later. And then both of them were panting and their limbs felt like jelly and they couldn’t think about moving for a while.

Bucky was the one who thought to find a towel to clean them up. When he came back, Steve was already on his way to falling asleep, physically worn out. So he wiped him off with the slightly damp washcloth he had found and tossed it into the sink in their dingy bathroom. He crawled into bed behind Steve and wrapped his arms around him, like he always would, but this time, they were both naked. Steve drifted off that way, wrapped up in Bucky’s arms, and happier than he had ever been in his life, but with an edge of sadness that he couldn’t remember the cause of before his mind slipped into unconsciousness.

  
  


Steve was confused at first, when he woke up. It wasn’t the warmth of Bucky’s body next to his. There had been plenty of cold nights when they had to sleep in the same bed to keep warm. It was something else. The light was coming from the wrong place. And then Steve realized why it seemed wrong. He was in Bucky’s bed, instead of his own. Before, Bucky would always crawl into his bed with him to keep him warm. And then the previous night came back to him, and he flushes at the memory, because sure enough, they were both naked.

Steve rolled onto his side so he could look at Bucky’s face. It was calm, relaxed in sleep. Steve couldn’t resist the urge to reach out and brush his hair out of his eyes. He normally always had it slicked back, so it was nice to see it both sex and sleep mussed. Steve smiled to himself, relishing the memory of last night.

He still had his fingers on the side of Bucky’s face when Bucky muttered, “What are you doing awake, idiot…?” He kept his eyes closed.

Steve smiled, because despite what Bucky had said, his tone of voice was completely affectionate.

“It’s morning,” he said softly and continued to stroke Bucky’s face, just because he could. Because he never wanted Bucky to go further than arm’s length away. But that was what he was about to do.

They seemed to realize what Steve had said at the same time, and Steve sat up so he could look out the window at the sun, which was steadily rising above the horizon. It was early, but it wouldn’t be early very much longer. When he turned back around, Bucky was leaning up on his elbow and looking at Steve with an unreadable expression on his face.

Steve meant to joke, or say anything other than the “Don’t go…” that came out of his mouth. He couldn’t exactly ask Bucky to go AWOL just for him, before he’d even done any fighting. Especially when he was going to try to go over there, himself.

“Steve…” Bucky sighed. He fully sat up and took Steve’s face in his hands. He brushed the pad of his thumb over Steve’s cheekbone briefly, and then brought him close so he could kiss him softly, sweetly. It was none of the urgency or heat from the previous night. It was all sad longing, and all the emotion they could never put into words for each other.

After, Bucky pulled back, but kept their lips close. He rested his forehead against Steve’s, and stayed like that for a minute, their exhales and inhales getting all mixed up with each other.

“I’ve got to go…” he whispered at last, not moving.

“I know…” Steve whispered too. He tilted his face forward and captured Bucky’s lips once more, one last time. And then he pulled back completely and got out of the bed.

They were quiet as they dressed. Bucky tried to tell Steve not to come, but he insisted on walking Bucky to the docks. There were other soldiers there saying goodbye to their families. They stood a little ways away from everyone else, but not far enough that they were completely out of earshot.

Bucky adjusted the strap of his pack on his shoulder and looked down at Steve. Steve stuck his hands deep in his pockets to try to hide that they had started shaking. He never thought this would be so hard, trying to tell someone goodbye.

Last night, he had joked, had told Bucky not to win the war without him. They had called each other punk and jerk, even if it was all good-natured. But then Steve actually did get an IA enlistment form, and he really would be able to join Bucky overseas. And the reality of that sunk into his bones. They could both die.

So this time, he didn’t joke, he said, “Be careful…”

“I will,” Bucky said. “You too. Try to stay out of trouble…”

Steve opened his mouth to tell him, to say he would report to basic training the next day, and that he would join the war, and he would be a real soldier. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “I’ll try,” he said at last.

Bucky smiled sadly. “Good. Cause I’m not going to be here to pick you up off the ground in every back alley in the city.”

That hung heavily in the air between them.

Bucky moved forward and wrapped his arms around Steve, and Steve hugged him back tightly. It was very similar to their parting at the fair the previous night. “Love you, punk…” Bucky whispered. They were out in public and couldn’t say what they really felt. But Steve knew he meant “I’m in love with you,” and he couldn’t believe they hadn’t said it at all when they were alone. He couldn’t believe they’d missed that chance.

“Yeah, love you too…” he whispered back, and hoped Bucky understood he meant “I love you with all my heart.” He thought Bucky did. It sounded like two friends or brothers forced apart by the war. And if they embraced perhaps a moment longer than was necessary, no one else noticed because they were all going through their own heart-felt goodbyes.

“We’ll see each other again,” Bucky said as they pulled apart. He looked down at Steve, and his eyes seemed brighter than usual. “I promise.”

Steve nodded stiffly because he knew it was true. He was going to get through basic training. He was going to be accepted into this program Dr. Erskine had mentioned. He was going to go to Europe and fight in the war. And he was going to find Bucky again, no matter what.

It wasn’t until later, years and years later, that he realized he should have made Bucky promise to come home. Because he did keep his promise, like always. They saw each other again. But he never came home. Then again, neither did Steve.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Now I'm kind of bummed I already used "But Tonight I'm Gonna Hold You So Close" for another fic, because this fic is exactly Daylight. Oh well. I have gone into my collection of favorite songs and pulled out another random lyric for the title.
> 
> So I don't normally write smut, but I liked the idea of this one.


End file.
